What
are the things that make me crazy???...one word...existence.What
are the things that make me crazy???...one word...existence.
6-29-01 Actually it was an okay day. I can't explain it. I will get to the bottom of it though. I mean I was awakened by the sudden awareness that someone or something was watching me, I 'm sure I am not the only paranoid around here so some of you know what I mean. And so wake I did, and what do I see but my roomie had brought home this girl with these biggest most beautiful natural titties and they are literally in my face. I could only stare, unaware of what exactly was going on, and as it turns out, that is a pretty fine way to start a day. I highly recommend it to anyone.
6-29-01Update!!!! The lovely and beautiful Grande' Tetons referred to in the earlier post are sitting here now and were kind enough to pose for a few shots to let you people know what it means when life is good...LOL ~(¦:OÞ)=
7-2-01 What's pissing me off today...Lip service. Say one thing do another. Outright lie. You know as human beings, we have to lie sometimes to somebody, and anybody who wants to deny this lives in a dream world of evil things, because we ALL LIE. Sometimes we only lie to save someone's feelings or something like that, in fact that is what the song Pretty Little Lies is about. But what is pissing me off is that so may people will just out and out lie. What am I talking of specifically? The ones who say that there is nothing to do, and then you put on a show, they act all excited, and you invite them all out, they say they will be there, then don't show up and fill you full of lame excuses. If ya scared...SAY ya scared! If you didn't feel like making the trip, then just say that. The "traffic was awful" excuse went out with the Do Do so shut the hell up if ya can't tell the truth. We musicians work our asses off putting in hundreds of hours of work you never see nor would give us the credit for just so we can entertain you, and when you let us down, you have just shown us that all of our hours of work and toil is falling upon deafened ears and unseeing eyes. I can't sit here and DEMAND you show up if you say you do, hey shit happens, but dammit....oh fuggit, just SHOW UP OKAY?!?!?!?
JULY 4th...Happy birthday Amerika, what's pissing me off today? Too much to EVEN get into. Let's just say I am glad to be alive and kicking and no matter what, I am not going away. For that which would kill me only serves to make me stronger...and those who would try to hold me down only serve to fuel my fire to carry on in my quest to never ever give up the good fight. What do I fight for? Hell I don't know, I been ranting and raving about everything for so long now there IS no "personal" and "general" anymore. Everything ties in to everything else. It is all one big mobius twist. There's a little story that comes to mind. The other night someone asked me if I had a choice of burning to death or bleeding to death which would I choose. I said neither. She said I had to choose one, and I replied, no, I choose neither. Then she challenged me to "think outside of the box" and I countered with, "I LIVE outside the box, and I don't allow anyone or anything to make my choices for me, and if they DO make choices for me, then it is out of my control and again I don't have to worry about that. You see if you accept the fate that someone puts in front of you, then you are not in control of you. If you refuse it, EVEN if they have the power to control you, then you are still out of the box. James O'barr, creator of "The Crow" said..."it's not death if you refuse it, it is only death if you accept it."" So, I refuse to be controlled. Even if you control me, I refuse you. God, Government, Gummy bears, whatever and whoever. And this little theory of mine sort of fits in with the kube you will find on the graphics page. Every time you find yourself inside the box, you realize you are out of it, or is it the reverse? I can't tell you, we all see things differently, we all come up with our own descriptions of the same exact thing. What I am trying to say here is no matter what, I do what I want to do, even when I have to do what I don't want to do. I refuse your strings. You may dangle me from a rope, but my last breath will be one of "never did I accept your yoke, even unto death, I will not bend." So what all this comes down to is this...if you want to lie to me, fine, but don't think for a moment I accept it. I refuse you. I will never bend.
July 5th... WPMOT...It's summer right? Hot. Louisiana is HOT in the summer. So what do I do? I go and catch a cold. A COLD! Man the cosmos thing has a really dry sense of humor. So here I am with a frikkin cold of all things and we play Schooner's Bar for the happy b-day of the EE, and my voice is so gone, I am hopped up on every home remedy and over the counter cold fighter know to man, and a couple known only to a few free-lance pharmacologists, and just blur through this freaking show, I mean damn. I don't remember much except some equipment malfunctions and swirling smears and jager, shot after shot of jager, for the throat you understand. There were pleasant things though be sure, but I don't kiss and tell...here...usually...Anyway, had some good friends come see the show last night, and to tell the truth we should have rescheduled instead. I am not going to do any of this weeks shows because I am just out of it right now. Maybe I will feel better soon, but for now, I am curl up with a good depressing book and forget about one of the worst days in recent memory, which was yesterday. Must be the Cherokee blood in my veins that makes damned sure the white boy is miserable for the day they recognize the most grief. Come to think of it, midnight is when it turned out a bit better. Anyhow, my voice is a memory at this moment, and I gotta let it heal. Peace everyone. If you can dig it.
7-21 Almost done with the updates. As of this moment the website is not working, but...soon. The world will know what hit it. The people that have worked so hard against me will see that they have failed. I will not go away. I will never bend.
7-23 Well folks here it is. I will vent now. Your sabotage did not work. I am awake. I am aware. I have some shit on my mind and I think I would like to air it. Little men with big mouths needing a good ass kicking. Too many of them around and not enough of me to find 'em all. Pity. I need some exercise. And THAT'S what Pissing me of today.
8-06-01 Hmmm where to start? Let's see. Betrayal. Assholes posing as friends talking shit behind your back. Jealous jerks. Drive up ATM machines with Braille writing on the buttons, and green ketchup. They piss me off.
8-31-01 Well folks, what can I say that hasn't been said before? Not much. Sure the war is over, but some words cannot be taken back. I cry for Shreveport. Some things just transcend the everyday cost of life, the pieces of your soul that you break off and hand to those you would trust to guard it carefully just before they decide to throw it in the mud and walk on it seemingly cannot be replaced, but this is only true in some ways. The soul can replenished. Sort of like the blood drives, after they vampire out a piece of you, and hand you a cookie and some orange juice to restock with. Fill the hole and fill whole. The body takes care of the process, the transmogrification of useless roughages to parts replenishing the missing pieces to make the whole whole again, and the space becomes filled with more of what you need to survive. There is no such thing as a half a soul. it is full size no matter it's meta-physical mass, and grows and shrinks with life's curved balls and slings and arrows of ignominious fate. Mine is whole, now and always, and I have adjusted for the losses and gains, and live on, refusing to give in the wallowing thing that is the despair within us all. Might we all find the strength to stare into our destinies, undaunted by the pitfalls, and humbled despite the peaks, and live on, to be what we are. Consume, live, die. That is what we have in common, but the devil is in the details, there beside the angels, the imps, the deities, we live, and write our lifesongs, our verse of "I was here" and hope we are remembered well when the worms finally eat their fill of our empty husks. Someone asked me what my finals words would be if I could choose them...it took years for me to come up with the answer, and it just one word..."Finally". Choose your word or words well. Everyday, waste no breath for it may be your last. Choose your friends carefully. They are all you have while you are here. Your possessions will tell no tales of you when you passed beyond, but those who studied you as your confident, as your brother, your friend, they will tell the tales. What stories are you writing? Let no man tear you down, they are all as faulty as you are. Beliefs are fences. They pen you into to something and everything is a little wrong. The only absolute is that there is no absolute. Leave yourself open to change, realize that you have nothing that is new, except your soul, and what you do with it is up to you only. Will you live on, will you beat your drums? Or will you just fall in line and march to theirs? Think. Always think. Especially if someone says "trust me", or "everybody knows"...these are traps. Trust you. Especially if you are wrong. For you may become right. You are who and what you say you are, so you may change. Live your life, and question all and everything. This is how I see it. But it is just my opinion. And I will never bend. How big is your soul today?
October 12 2001.
Well, I am still too pissed at the mother fuckers to even look at the board and think about their shit and just how low they are...birthday is a a few days, gettin older, world sometimes lately is just as bad as I was afraid it turning out to be. Sort of start with the tooth fairy, you leant that one isn't real then wham, like dominos go all your magics, one by one, death death death....<sigh> Pissed off? I dunno. Maybe it's all just frustration at the world full of people who could be better to one another, but won't. Sometimes people really really suck. Sometimes, we stick it out. Somehow we have to or we miss what's next. Whatever it is, it's gotta be better soon.
